Fall seven times, stand up eight
Just before I started writing this post, I had to check back to see if there was a pattern in my shit weeks. It appears not, but they do happen pretty often. This week has been one of them in terms of food and exercise (socially, it's been great!?).
So where do I start.... I went to Newcastle last weekend to spend one of the last weeks of my maternity leave with my friend Vicki and her two lovely children. It was just me and the kids that went, Matt had a well earned rest at home (although he said he didn't like it without us, it was too quiet (I can't imagine it ever being too quiet!!). Anyhow, I knew that I wasn't going to be a complete angel, but never did I imagine this angel would rip off her wings and replace with devil horns.. Let me set the scene first (or get my excuses in, however you want to read it). Isabelle (3), Caite (20 months, getting a back tooth), Adam (9 months and getting first tooth en route to Newcastle), Patrick (7 months, getting first tooth while we are en route to Newcastle). That list in itself makes you want to grab the vodka eh! Don't get me wrong, we had lots of fun and it was so good to see the kids playing together (and for the mummies to have a good goss), but it was exhausting (as Vicki will vouch for). It was like an endless nappy changing, bottle making, feeding, nursing, calpoling, stopping boys from climbing, fun fest.
The first night, we had agreed to have wine, which we did. We eat brilliantly all day so wine was the only naughtiness. The following day (after I slept with Isabelle in a double bed, who kept waking me up through the night asking if I was ok (give me strength)) we were knackered. Did a kids class, soft play etc and had our healthy chicken dinner. All was well, kids were in bed, then the devil appeared (that's me). I could see the shop lighting up like beacon of hope, directly across the road.... I said to Vicki, should I go and get some crisps, to which she replied (like a naughty child), yeah and some chocolate.... SO I DID! And not only that, I went out in my pj's and knee high boots, IN PUBLIC, TO GET BAD STUFF! We sat and eat it and then, when the shame spiral kicked in, we went to bed. It was 9.30pm!
From there, my week just went worse with food. I keep trying to think why I am struggling so much. Is it because I didn't have carbs for a week and my willpower has just gone from focusing so hard on that? Is it because it's that week in my cycle that I always seem to struggle with? Is it after the come down from such a high after measurements? Is it because I'm maybe resting on my laurels because I have come so far, and dare I say it, I'm happy with my bod? And the big one, is it because I didn't see Esther this week, so I was like a naughty kid (while the cats away and all that...) I don't know the answer, maybe a bit of all that, but I know I couldn't wait to write this blog to get it out because somehow this helps get me back on track, after all I am accountable, I committed to 12 weeks so I owe you all that.
In all honesty, I have said this to a lot of my friends in the past, especially those with none sleeping babies, but tiredness is a killer. Sleep is so important and if you aren't getting enough you are in survival mode and it's hard to stay on track. For me, I find that when I am tired, my brain is sneaky. (Bear with me now) it makes me do things, lightening quick, like eat something I shouldn't, before the good side of the brain has had time to stop me (does that makes sense!?). It only ever happens when I'm tired. And this week, I have been uber tired. All that driving and broken sleep for two nights and the relentless of the four tinkers just did me in. The of course, you get into that cycle of shit food also making you feel tired/lethargic. Arghhh!
So, excuses out the way, my food spiral consisted of pancake day the day I returned from Newcastle. I had to have a pancake with nutella and marshmallows and chocolate buttons that my daughter made for me..... I couldn't turn her down after so much effort could I!? #fail
Wednesday was ok in the day, but in the evening Matt bought what I can only call sweet smack (Haribo spaghetti) which I couldn't resist. #fail
Friday I went out for tea with Matt, Isabelle & Adam and my theory was that I had messed up this week anyway, so what harm will a chilli dog do (god, I am actually embarrassed writing this). Should I just log off now.... #fail
Right, ok, lets step away from the food for a minute, maybe I can redeem myself with my workouts... maybe!?
Monday & Tuesday - The kids were a workout (give me Insanity any day). Bathing four of them, walking (I think a mile-ish) with four of them and chasing them round a soft play and the house.
Wednesday - A bit of normality - Bootcamp at Elite
Thursday - (the guilt setting in day). Bootcamp at Elite at 11am THEN at 8pm Get Ripped also at Elite
Friday - Rest day as I have no other option with Isabelle & Adam all day, then by the time they are in bed, I am literally fit for nothing.
Saturday - Park Run. The one positive in this blog this week. This was my fourth run since having Adam. My first time was 29:44 and this weeks run I did it in 25:48. I really went all out as this is the last run for a while as I am having toe surgery next Saturday *sobs*. Not sure how long that will keep me away from running, hopefully not too long seeing as though I am signed up for the Race for Life 10k in July.
Personal Information Alert! You may not want to read, especially if a boy, or expecting a baby....
I wanted to talk about something else that has been causing me some issues lately, and one of the reasons I didn't see Esther this week and had an impromptu rest day last Wednesday.
I was in two minds to write about it as it's quite personal, but I'm having to tell people at the places I workout about my restrictions, so I may as well share. I also want to raise awareness as I have been doing a lot of research lately and it seems a lot of women, post baby (and sometimes not even after childbirth) have these types of issues and just live with it and think you have to live with it, when you don't.
Basically, most people that know me, know that I had a pretty traumatic birth with Isabelle, traumatic in terms of how it affected my body (lady bits) and my recovery. I pretty much had a designer vajuju after a few trips to hospital in the weeks after Isabelle was born.
When I found out I was having Adam, I decided not to opt for a section (even though it was offered) and went natural, which was a good idea because labour was super quick and easy-ish. But as we found out with Isabelle, I don't heal well, and if I'm honest, my little flower wasn't made for pushing babas out. So the upshot now, is that post Adam, I have a prolapsed bladder, which despite (crude term alert) fanny physio (sorry) hasn't improved.
Now just let me say here, I am very lucky despite having this. I can run, star jump (kind of), laugh, sneeze, go on a trampoline (as long as my bladder isn't full), and all things like that, without wetting myself, which is surprising, given that it's my bladder that isn't in it's correct place. However, as I have found out lately, I can't do sit ups, crunches and I'm not really supposed to lift big weights as it makes it a lot worse, which we found out during the ab challenge I started to do recently.
So what am I doing about it? Well, I have to have surgery (designer vajuju no 2 coming up), but I can't have that until Adam is older and walking and less reliant on me, as you can't lift anything heavier than a kettle with enough water for a cup of tea for you (just like post c section) for 6-8 weeks, which I obviously can't do at the moment with a 23lb baby. I am at the consultant this week and we think it will be October when I will have it done. That aside, my workouts have had to change slightly which Esther has adapted for me. I can't do sit ups/crunches etc, but I can do planks and other core exercises. To be honest, I wasn't doing sit ups that much anyway until I started that 30 day challenge (in week 6) and it wont affect me getting a six pack (yeah but the chilli dog will eh Kirst!). I also need to make sure that whatever I lift, my pelvic floor is lifted and in control, which it is. I just have to listen to my body and know my restrictions and not put my fitness above my health.
Phew, that's a load off. Should we have some pictures and lighten the mood and see if you can see the chilli dog love handles.....?
I can only apologise about this weeks food lapse and give you my word I am back on track now and next week I will be back to being an angel. I have already been on the hotline to Esther and she has given me a good talking to and also told me not to beat myself up too much as look at what I have achieved so far. Still, not good enough.
I'll look forward to normal service being resumed next week!